I was thinking tonight about all the love that has shaped me.
Had some insight into who I am, who I will become.
The journey still continues.
The love that my mother and father had. It was not an easy love I guess but it lasted through time. There is something in that.
I remember first being exposed to love at primary school. It was an odd affair. A young handsome boy from across oceans. I had never seen such a beautiful boy. I fell in love instantly. My father told me to stay away from the boy. Ignorance was quite a thing back then. But it made me love the boy more. His name was Amer Awan.
The second boy mmm let me think the second boy was a long time after. The second boy would steal my heart for many years. I can’t really say much about that boy but I listened to The Cranberries album ‘ There’s no need to argue’ for months on repeat.
The third boy. I had my first child, beautiful she was. I fell deeply in love with her. I had never been so happy. He left. I did not cry after that boy. Sometimes I wonder if I did love him. He was the first boy that society would make me fit with not me. I became acutely aware of that then. Who I ‘should be dating’ as opposed to who I wanted to maybe?
The fourth boy I will never forget. I still cry thinking of him. A beautiful lost soul. A tragic story one that I do not wish to share but he lives on in heaven. I played ‘damaged’ by primal scream on repeat forever. Still play it now.
The fifth would be my husband. God bless his soul. I am a hard woman to love. I really am we have another three beautiful children, they are my life. This family my family is what makes me get up in the morning. Breathe in and out. Sometimes I cry when I look around at all that we have. Our song well we have many but the one that just saw us through a very hard time was ‘shelter’ Ray Lamontagne.
Isn’t it funny our journey through love. The past shaping the future and so it goes on.
Sometimes I wonder where my story ends. In my dreams I see myself old living by the Sea. I am carried in the end by my love, he takes me to the water. He takes off my shoes and dips my old feet in the Sea, I laugh. This is after all the best feeling in the world dipping ones toes in the Sea.
Is it not funny that we live our lives but are also shaped by others. These beautiful people that come into our life at times just briefly but they help us to see, help us to re focus, help us to remember remember our own self who we were so as not to lose that. Perhaps we are all on a journey of love and self finding. Maybe we can all help each other along the way. Maybe if we all just love and look out for one another.