Today I saw an angel and that angel was me ..

51A6BC5D-CBEE-4EF7-9A96-22A55654FD2CToday I saw an angel

That angel was me..

I keep planning it

It occupies my mind

Today I thought there were many signs

To lead me to it

To day it’s ok

To give up

Today I lost control

My other mind occupied my head

She wanted to get rope

Boulders

Stone

Drive to the Sea

With Gin and meds

She wanted to walk into the Sea

She did

Sometimes the She occupies my mind

 

Do you know who you are?……

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I wasn’t ill

Maybe if I had a clear head

If my body was perfect

If I wasn’t ugly

Maybe  if I was prettier

If I was more asleep

If I thought less

If I could stop my mouth

My mind from thinking

Maybe I could dress like her

Wear her skin over mine

Behave  like her

Look beautiful all the time

Plastic smile

Clean, always clean

Immaculate princess

I could smile more

You are a magician

How can you do that?

Skip from one life to another

Who are you

Do you even know who you are?

Do you know who I am?

Do you know your self?

Your truth?

Your own truth?……

 

Death of a fruit tree

Watched as you took your last breath

Mouth wide open

Like a vacuum

Your tongue dry

Wet the tongue

Wash the mouth out

Hold your hand

Dont let it go

The strained breathing

The noise

I still hear it

The noise

I still see your wide mouth

Your dry tongue

Your breath became strained

I lost you

We lost you

My love

My Mother

My child

My God

My Heaven

My death

My life

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Stagnant…love

She would realise that she couldn’t breathe without him

Her life just wouldn’t move

Stagnant

Stagnant love

Her heart would begin to rot

Her soul blackened

Her blood would run dry in her veins

Her lungs empty of oxygen

She would be dead but walk amongst the streets

People, stare, take pity on the sad, dead woman

Who was she?

Who was she?

They would wonder

The locals would wonder

But she had lived and danced and made love

She had walked along the promenade

She had laughed and smiled so hard with him

She had watched him through a lens

She would have died for him

That was her mistake

Not loving herself first would be her downfall

Consumed

Everything would become about him

Making him happy

Making him love her

Rot

The love would rot

If she didn’t learn to love herself

Be in her own skin

Eveything would rot

Stagnant waters

Frozen lakes

Seas that do not ever feel the sand beneath their feet

Love lost

Price of living

Lost

Stagnant

Old heart

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This is my heart

This is my heart, my heart

I’m proud of you from the grave

I am, I am, I am

Take my hand,  my invisible hand, for I have always known….

Dont  you understand that anything I do I do for you?

My life, my breath, I do for you

You loved another

Blonde, white skin

You loved another

My mama red hair

I die over and over

Joined my soul in yours

Lift my hand to your heart

This is my heart

It is broken

Can you  feel it?

Broken

This is my heart

I am, I am, I am

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To you….. loving you

Loving you

It breaks my soul

It takes all my scars and makes them burn

Burn burn burn

It makes them burn

Life without you is like a dead life

Nothing helps me to feel

Flowers colourless

Touch

Every touch

I can’t feel the bark of trees

I can’t feel the leaves, the sand the sea

My life my hands are void of touch

I am void of love

 

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ia m avoid of life

Take Me…….

I had it in my head

What I planned to say

Catching teardrops on my cheek

I’m not a typical woman I think

Maybe God made me a bit wrong

Maybe I was a mistake…

I wanted to drive off a cliff

I wanted to drink alcohol all night

I wanted to overdose on medication

Why? why? my life is full, full of life and love and happiness why then am I so sad?

I am surrounded by intellect and yet they all seem void of life? what is it with intellect does that mean you cant feel love?

Does that mean that your love is not felt beneath the skin?

Do we have a stiff upper lip or do we not feel it?

I feel it

I feel unbelonged

Unbelonged

Unbelonged

Let the sea take my soul

Take my love

Take me …

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