Life as I know it ….

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Neil Young wrote this song ‘one of these days‘ It’s the kind of song that I think about, maybe one day I might write a letter to all the fiends I’ve known. All the friends that have had an impact on my life. Tonight I was sitting at dinner with my three teenagers and we relocated a book that I started to write. Amelie and Sonny took turns at reading out loud my attempt at a novel. This sparked conversation about my life and my art and at times how  strange it can be. My kids haven’t had it easy and even now there is constant pressure for me to find someone else, get a partner, find happiness. Why is it that people feel the urge to set people up? why do people feel uneasy about someone being on their own? have we not moved on form this? I’m very lucky to have close friends around me that do not think like this, They embrace my one woman show, love that I do not want a partner and embrace my yoga and mindfulness and whatever else I feel the need to gain knowledge and understanding in. I hope that I am a good role model for my children and they too learn that in order to love they need to find love in themselves and be happy in their own skin. I only understood that as an adult, way too late if you ask me. There has been so much pain in my life that I sometimes fear that I will never understand love. As a child I grew up wishing I was that princess that experienced the happily ever after. I’m not sure that even exists. There is this couple in my yoga class that are maybe in their sixties I look at them and sometimes think that they have found it. The answer that I am seeking true love…. When I spoke to the women she told me about their Christmas that they didn’t want to spend the day stressing so, their adult children came  over and they made a big pot of chicken curry but spent the day walking the dogs along the beautiful Scottish coast and then returning to chill and drink wine. Is that not life?

When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth…… But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.” But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. Kahlil Gibran

When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth…… But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself. Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.” But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully. Kahlil Gibran

Wuk Wuk

I wake and the rope is still there

Tightens in my rounded belly

Little fisherman pull harshly

Rough Seas ahead

The basil is dying on the windowsill

The flowers wilted in the garden

Everywhere I go I see you

My punishment from God above

Wuk Wuk visited this morning

Watched me get the shopping from the car

He didn’t fly this time he just looked at me

My cheeks wet again

I am, I am, I am