Some women get erased a little at a time, some all at once. Some reappear. Every woman who appears wrestles with the forces that would have her disappear. She struggles with the forces that would tell her story for her, or write her out of the story, the genealogy, the rights of man, the rule of law. The ability to tell your own story, in words or images, is already a victory, already a revolt. Rebecca Solnit,

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unless it comes out of your soul like a rocket, unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder, don’t do it. unless the sun inside you is burning your gut, don’t do it. when it is truly time, and if you have been chosen, it will do it by itself and it will keep on doing it until you die or it dies in you. there is no other way. and there never was. Charles Bukowski

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What does it mean to have a life filled with happiness and yet still be overwhelmed with sadness..

Depression. It’s a term used so often but what does it actually mean?

What does it mean?

If Someone has lots of joy in their life, a beautiful family, a home, friends, love and  a great future ahead why should they feel sadness? Surely they have everything what is there to be sad about?

Depression doesn’t care what you have or how much is in your life that can cause you to smile it takes it all from you in an instant. It captures you and leaves you at its mercy you are left with no control you look at your beautiful family and all that you have but still you don’t want to be here.. Depression swallows you up and eats away at your soul until it feels black darkened with sadness

 

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I’m going to be exhibiting at Gracefield during Spring Fling. I will be exhibiting paintings that I painted during a time that I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. This has been a very difficult time for myself and my children but I am now in my recovery and strong enough to tell my story through art. I have written some words during this time about the way I was feeling often alone and trapped but I do hope that people reading my blog will start to understand the true meaning of mental health and an understanding of domestic abuse and why it’s important to speak out.

THE REMEMBERING

Slowly I started to remember

Piece bits together

The flashbacks of you keeping me in a cage

You would keep me barely awake

Keep me hidden away so you could have me night after night

Comatosed

Dead

I was already dead

Did you rape me?

My body unwilling

Unresponsive

Keep me away from my family

It was you I was trying to get away from

I was your prize

A dead prize

Now the healing process begins

My body will heal

My mind will heal

I will become me again

The me before

Before I was broken

Left frightened of you

You always frightened me with your anger

I thought you would kill me

And so I left

The only way I knew how

The only way I could

 

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Be your best self and do not imitate anyone else. Find your strengths. They are your talents. They will make you smile and cause you to real joy on the inside. Don’t listen to those who ridicule the choices you make or the dreams you share. Let no one despise your youth. As Og Mandino explained in The Greatest Salesman in the World, “Experience is overrated, usually by old men who nod wisely and speak stupidly.” Create your own experiences. And know that you are creating memories for a lifetime. Life is not about finding yourself; it is about creating yourself. You have to take chances to make your dreams reality. Face your fears head-on and move rapidly. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. Make lots of them! Your odds for success will increase with the number of decisions you make. Have patience with your dreams and the expectations you have for others. Be impatient with yourself daily. Live as if this is your last day. Say “I love you” to all those who matter. Know that everyone matters. You must play full-out right now. Sit up, hold your head high. Breathe deeply. Lift your chest up. Stand up straight and with confidence. Dust yourself off. Stop being a party pooper in your own life. Smile. A bigger noticeable smile. Start acting happy. Yes, you act first. I promise the feeling of happiness will soon follow. Robert Smith

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To the eyes that see

You look at me and think that you know me..

You don’t know me

You don’t know anything

 

You look at me and think that you are like me

You are not like me

You are nothing like me

 

And then there is you

You that can see

You that takes me by the hand

You that knows me

You that loves me

 

I look at you and know that I am home

To you that loves me

To you that knows me

To you that sees me …..

 

And I look at you

And I see you

I embrace you

For I know how difficult it is..

In this world to find someone

That loves you

That sees you

That knows you

Just for you

Only for you

While all around people go about their daily lives

Without loving

Without seeing

Without knowing

Without eyes

I love you ….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I could touch your soul

Fingers slowly down your spine

Toes entwined with yours

Skin touching

Naked flesh

Breath

Breath

Breath

Lips connecting

Tongue soft

Eyes staring

Staring

Closing

Bodies thrusting

Soft love

Gentle love

Fingers touching

Breath

Arms like envelopes

Touching

Thrust

Breath

Breath

Breath

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