There is something peaceful about love….

Calm love..

There is a calmness

A peacefulness

Your love takes away the chaotic mind

The madness that engulfs

like a wild Scottish day

The water is still

The mind cleared

The loft empty

Love is peaceful

Love is quiet

The stirring in me gone for now..

 

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Tortured Love..

How do you conquer love when tortured inside?

The grey matter that courses through

The black Tar throbbing in ones veins

The blackness

And then another kind soul

A true love

A kind love

Falls for the victim

Falls for the broken bird

Fallen from the sky

How does one allow love to flourish when pain

Death

Sorrow

Hatred feeds the heart

Perhaps there can be no such love

Perhaps once broken, the darkness engulfs never to be seen again

Loved again

Death

Death is the only path…

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Wild Beasts

I started to realise that I could only function as a human being for maybe half of a year, three quarters at a push. After that I am taken to the world of the dead. Like those zombie movies but everyone kinda just still sees me in this body with my smile, my kindness, my weak heart…

I need to paint. I need to let the brush take me away on my journey. Some other place, a quiet place my own private underworld where my wild beasts are..

Some women get erased a little at a time, some all at once. Some reappear. Every woman who appears wrestles with the forces that would have her disappear. She struggles with the forces that would tell her story for her, or write her out of the story, the genealogy, the rights of man, the rule of law. The ability to tell your own story, in words or images, is already a victory, already a revolt. Rebecca Solnit,

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unless it comes out of your soul like a rocket, unless being still would drive you to madness or suicide or murder, don’t do it. unless the sun inside you is burning your gut, don’t do it. when it is truly time, and if you have been chosen, it will do it by itself and it will keep on doing it until you die or it dies in you. there is no other way. and there never was. Charles Bukowski

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What does it mean to have a life filled with happiness and yet still be overwhelmed with sadness..

Depression. It’s a term used so often but what does it actually mean?

What does it mean?

If Someone has lots of joy in their life, a beautiful family, a home, friends, love and  a great future ahead why should they feel sadness? Surely they have everything what is there to be sad about?

Depression doesn’t care what you have or how much is in your life that can cause you to smile it takes it all from you in an instant. It captures you and leaves you at its mercy you are left with no control you look at your beautiful family and all that you have but still you don’t want to be here.. Depression swallows you up and eats away at your soul until it feels black darkened with sadness

 

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I’m going to be exhibiting at Gracefield during Spring Fling. I will be exhibiting paintings that I painted during a time that I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. This has been a very difficult time for myself and my children but I am now in my recovery and strong enough to tell my story through art. I have written some words during this time about the way I was feeling often alone and trapped but I do hope that people reading my blog will start to understand the true meaning of mental health and an understanding of domestic abuse and why it’s important to speak out.

THE REMEMBERING

Slowly I started to remember

Piece bits together

The flashbacks of you keeping me in a cage

You would keep me barely awake

Keep me hidden away so you could have me night after night

Comatosed

Dead

I was already dead

Did you rape me?

My body unwilling

Unresponsive

Keep me away from my family

It was you I was trying to get away from

I was your prize

A dead prize

Now the healing process begins

My body will heal

My mind will heal

I will become me again

The me before

Before I was broken

Left frightened of you

You always frightened me with your anger

I thought you would kill me

And so I left

The only way I knew how

The only way I could

 

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